im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
