your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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