I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
