The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize