Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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