just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
