She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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