Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
