What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
