The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
