Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize