here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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