Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
