I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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