Please, let me fuck your mom
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
