im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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