Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
