.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
