Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
