I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This girl is more easily done than said...
too bad you live with your parents still
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This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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