I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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