i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
