I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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