you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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