Jerry, you need to find god
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
