i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
