My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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