ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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