you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
