I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
