Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
