my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
