I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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