Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
