If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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