somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
