Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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