Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
