he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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