This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
