dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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