Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
