Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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