I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
