She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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