It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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