you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
