i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
