This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
