so that wasnt chicken after all
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
