you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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