You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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