It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
