Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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