I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
