you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
