Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
soo... how was my night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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