Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I puked a lego.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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