It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
