I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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