You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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