I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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