I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
and you fell through a lawn chair
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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