I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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